What's it all about?

 

NARRATOR		Not long ago, in fact just last week, in a galaxy far far away, an alien race of super-intelligent beings was gliding silently through space in their ultra-sophisticated space craft. Their mission was to research the customs and beliefs of all the different life forms in the universe. For the past two months they had been observing the inhabitants of planet earth from a distance and the five senior researchers were busy working on the data they had already collected. [researchers throwing paper balls at bin]
VERK QUERK MERK SUE [off] GERK SUE ALL SUE ZERK ALL SUE		Oooh, missed again. Hey, Zerk, watch this! Yeah! Awesome! [ etc.] Knock knock Who’s there? Sue. Sue who? Supreme Ruler of the galaxies. [general panic] Ahh, just a minute. Look busy, look busy. [Sue enters] Cheerful greetings Your Supremeness. [salute] Yes, cheerful greetings to you Zerk, Querk, Verk, Gerk and Merk. Now, I just came to see how you’re getting on with your research into planet earth.
VERK MERK GERK OTHERS SUE ALL MERK VERK GERK SUE		Well, we’ve just been tossing a few thoughts around. Yes, yes. Bouncing a few ideas off each other. That’s right, yes, and chucking them in the bin. [under breath] Gerk! Mmm, I see. Well, I have a special assignment for you. Yes, Your Supremeness! We're up to it! You can count on us! No problem! Good. Now, I’ve just received information that there is something really big and important happening on planet earth next week. It’s called Christmas. We need some top researchers on the spot, so I want you to fly down there right away and find out what Christmas is all about.
ALL GERK NARRATOR		Yes Your Supremeness. No problem! So the five researchers dropped everything [pause] and made their way to the departure deck. Then they hopped into their flying saucers [pause] and they were ready to set off for planet earth to begin their mission – to find out what Christmas was all about.
GERK NARRATOR		Commence launch sequence! [count down] [Five Little Aliens] When the alien researchers arrived on planet earth, they headed straight for downtown Dunedin – they had been told it would be easy to blend in there because the locals were used to students doing strange things. They positioned themselves inconspicuously around the Meridian Shopping Centre and observed… [busy shop scene]
MOLLY   DOLLY ASSISTANT POLLY ASSISTANT DOLLY ASSISTANT MILLY ASSISTANT DOLLY ASSISTANT		Right, so I’ve got the CD for Mum, the T-shirt for Josh, the licorice allsorts for Grandad, and the keyring for Nana. Now, I just need something for Dad, maybe a book. I'll take this thanks. That will be $29.95. Excuse me, have you got Jamie Oliver’s new cook book? No, I’m sorry, we’ve sold out. Can I EFTPOS that? Sure. Do you have any Lord of the Rings calendars? Just over there behind the wrapping paper. Can I get some cash out? How much would you like?
GILLY DOLLY ASSISTANT GILLY MOLLY ANNOUNCER		Have you got a book, I think it’s by Steven someone… $40 please. Right, just put your number in. It has a black cover… Do you have the latest Jamie Oliver cook book? Attention customers. This is just a reminder that there are only 6 more shopping days till Christmas. But you can get all your Christmas shopping done right here in the Meridian, and to make it even easier we are offering 10% off all non-sale items for the next half hour – that’s right, buy anything in the next half hour and you can take off 10%.
GERK   NARRATOR		Take off? Did someone say take off? Commence launch sequence! [count down] And so the alien researchers returned to base, where Sue was waiting for news.
ALL SUE		Cheerful greetings Your Supremeness. Well, you’re back early. Have you found out what Christmas is all about?
QUERK SUE ZERK		Yes, we have. It’s all about shopping. Shopping? Yes. It’s a special time when everybody races around buying as many things as they can.
SUE QUERK SUE		But why? Um, well, they just do. That’s not much of an answer – go back all of you and find out what it’s really all about.
ALL GERK NARRATOR		Yes Your Supremeness. No problem! And so they were off again… [Five Little Aliens]
NARRATOR KIDS KRISTY MISTY		This time they decided to ask some of the inhabitants directly. They landed in a park where some children were playing. Wow, look, flying saucers, … [etc] Far out! Do you think there are aliens on board? Well, I guess so. Hey, Kristy, what do you call an alien with five eyes and no ears?
KRISTY MISTY ALL JENNY PENNY MERK GERK ZERK		I don’t know. What do you call an alien with five eyes and no ears? Anything you like, cos they can’t hear you! Cheerful greetings earthlings. Um, hello. Er, what are you doing here? We're on a mission. A really important mission. We’re trying to find out what Christmas is all about.
QUERK PENNY KIDS ZERK JENNY ZERK MISTY   PENNY ALL		Can you help us? Sure, we’ll tell them what Christmas is all about won’t we? Yeah! . . . . . . [He's got a red, red coat] So, Christmas is all about some guy called Santa Claus? That's right. I see. And what does Santa Claus do? He delivers presents to all the children in the world on Christmas Eve. He comes down the chimney. Wow!
QUERK KRISTY MERK JENNY VERK JENNY GERK		And how does he get around the whole world in one night? He has a flying sleigh. A kind of spaceship. Pulled by eight reindeer. So, what are their names, these reindeer? Well, there’s Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen and Comet and… Comet? Did someone say comet? Commence launch sequence! [Count down]
NARRATOR ZERK SUE ZERK SUE ALL SUE MERK VERK SUE MERK ZERK QUERK GERK		And so it was back to base to report their findings. Knock knock. Who's there? Mary. Mary who? Merry Christmas! [laughter] OK. What do you have to report? You were right. Christmas isn’t all about shopping. It’s about Santa Claus. Santa Claus? Yes, he flies around the world in a fantastic spacecraft called a sleigh. Pulled by eight reindeer. And then he goes down all the chimneys to deliver presents to all the children. And he says “Ho, ho ho!”
SUE ALL GERK ZERK QUERK ZERK QUERK ZERK QUERK NARRATOR		Shivering satellites! That is the most ridiculous story I ever heard! Christmas is about something important – go back and figure it out! Yes Your Supremeness. [Sue leaves] No problem! Hey Querk. Knock knock. Who's there? Howard. Howard who? How would a big fat guy like Santa fit down chimneys carrying a sack of toys? Good point, Zerk. And so the researchers were sent again to earth… [Five Litte Aliens]

NARRATOR QUERK SANDY MANDY CANDY SANDY LOUISE		This time the flying saucers landed in the suburb of Mornington. The researchers peeked in the windows of one of the houses – the family was listening to Christmas carols on the stereo and the children were about to decorate the Christmas tree. ['The Holly and the Ivy' - choir] [writing in notebook] Right, holly, ivy, trees in the wood, rising sun, running deer… I love decorating the Christmas tree. [Dum dee diddle] I’ll put this star here. And I’ll put these baubles over here. And the lights can go around here. No wait! We shouldn’t just put things just anywhere – we should plan it.
GERK		Planet? Did someone say planet? Commence launch sequence! [Count down]
NARRATOR   ALL QUERK SUE QUERK MERK VERK SUE ALL ZERK ALL ZERK SUE NARRATOR		Once again the researchers went back to base. What would they tell the Supreme Ruler of the galaxies this time? Cheerful greetings Your Supremeness. Sue, you were right. Christmas is about something much more important than shopping and Santa – it’s about the environment! The environment? Yes, you know, all the plants and animals and things… holly and ivy and the rising of the sun and the running of the deer… But especially trees. Yes, especially trees. They show how much they love trees by giving the trees lots of presents and hanging them on their branches. I see. And where does Santa Claus fit into all this? Um, er, ah,…. I’ve figured that out – he’s the chief gardener. He is? Yes. That’s why he’s always wearing gumboots and goes around saying “Hoe, hoe, hoe”. Galloping galaxies! Get out of here! And they were off again. Back to collect more data in their quest to find out what Christmas was all about. [Five Little Aliens]
NARRATOR   MUM TRACY GRACIE STACY MUM GERK		And so another suburb, another house, another family getting ready for Christmas. By now it was the day before Christmas. Right, we’ve got the turkey already, so you just need to get apricots and prunes for the stuffing, some cranberry jelly, new potatoes, and some fresh mint, and the pavlova and strawberries and cream. What about some nibbles – crisps and nuts and things? And we always have a box of chocolates after dinner. And drinks – wine and fruit juice. Yes, you better put all those on the list. Now, you should be able to get everything at New World, but sometimes they don’t have cranberry jelly, so you might have to go to Countdown. Countdown? Did someone say countdown? Commence launch sequence! [Count down]
QUERK ZERK QUERK ZERK QUERK ALL VERK SUE MERK ZERK SUE ZERK SUE		Hey Zerk. Knock knock. Who’s there? Me Me who? Meteor ahead! Take evasive action! Cheerful greetings Your Supremeness. We’ve got it this time – Christmas is all about food! Food? Yes. Everyone thinks of all the food they like best and they eat as much of it as possible on Christmas day. And another interesting thing we found out is that they have very advanced space travel technology. How do you know that? Because they have to go to a New World to get all their special Christmas food. Atrophied asteroids! Now listen up Zerk. I’m running out of patience with this mission – and that goes for you too Querk, Merk, Verk and Gerk. My information was very clear – Christmas is about something really important, something that really matters, something that changed the world. Now you get back down there and find out what it is.
NARRATOR		So it was back to the departure deck. Perhaps you’d like to join us as we sing our heroes off again… [Five Little Aliens]
NARRATOR		By this time it was late on Christmas Eve. The researchers landed in North East Valley, but the streets were deserted. How would they ever find out what Christmas was all about at this time of night? And then they heard music. It was coming from a little church. The alien researchers quietly crept in to look. Luckily, it was a very accepting kind of church and the people there weren’t at all worried by the arrival of five alien beings. At the front of the church some children were singing… [We Will Rock You]
MERK VERK GERK QUERK SUE QUERK SUE ALL SUE ALL SUE GERK MERK ZERK VERK SUE		I can’t see. What are they doing? They’ve got a baby. I think they’re trying to rock it to sleep. Rocket? Did someone say rocket? Commence launch sequence! [Count down] Knock knock Who’s there? Will Will who? Will shepherds watched their flocks by night…[collapse laughing] I hope your news is better than your jokes. Yes your supremeness. Well, have you found out what Christmas is all about? Yes. It’s about a baby. A very special baby. So special that every year millions of people all over the world celebrate his birthday. And that’s why they have special food and try to make each other happy – Christmas is really a birthday party. Mmm. You may be on to something there. I think you’ve almost got it. Now, I just want to know one more thing – what is so special about this baby? You must go back this one last time and find out – I’m relying on you.
ALL GERK NARRATOR   NARRATOR		Yes Your Supremeness. No problem! Can you help us out with the song just one last time? [Five Little Aliens] They arrived back at the little church just as everyone was leaving. Deciding that the direct approach was their only hope of finding out for sure what Christmas was all about, they began asking the people leaving the church.
ZERK VAL ZERK VAL ALL VAL SAL BELLE MEL   NARRATOR GERK EVERYONE		Excuse me, we are conducting some intergalactic research, and we’ve been trying to find out what Christmas is all about. It seems to be about a baby – is that right? Well, yes, I guess it is really. But what’s so special about this baby? Well, it’s not really that the baby is special – it’s just that the baby grew up to be a very special man. Ahhh! Santa Claus! What? No! Jesus. The baby is Jesus and he grew up to be a wonderful teacher who had amazing ideas about how to live peacefully together and take care of each other. He taught people about love. About how God loves us and how we can love each other. So, you see, that’s what Christmas is really all about… it’s about love! So, finally our heroes have succeeded in their mission. And if you’d like to find out more about Jesus, and his teaching about love, then watch this space. Space? Did someone say space? No!                    T H E        E N D

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